bluewaves_aiz
03152012
Even when I'm still on the process of returning, I feel that Jehovah is with me... by giving me the most precious gift I can have with my life - and that's my baby.
I harbor no regrets, doubt, and pain for having him in my life. I put every negative thoughts at my back. Only fear keeps me on the ground. But I have trust in Jehovah to always guide me, to always help me, and to always strengthen me in every step I make.
I don't want to stuck at that gloomy part of my life. Because I didn't fail. Having Sky is not a failure at all - it's the greatest blessing I have. And I want to cherish it.
Every piece/strand of me, I give HIM praise. I want Jehovah God to shine HIS face on me. And that is by showing HIM that I Love HIM, by Trusting HIM, and by showing my wholeheartedly Obedience at HIS Will. I want to be a better child for HIM, and a better mother for sky.
I'm starting the 20 years project of raising a kid. I know I can't be perfect, but I promise to be the best mother there will be for my son. I have FAITH, TRUST, and HOPE that JEHOVAH God will be there to guide me.
*** Positivity and praise is running down on my every nerve. Unfortunately, my fingers are slow enough to tap every thoughts that pass my head. This blog is not enough. I want to show the world how happy and blessed I am with my life.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
He is Jehovah's blessing
bluewaves_aiz
10112011
"Look! Sons are an inheritance from Jehovah;
The fruitage of the belly is a reward."
Psalms 127:3
Love, excitement, anxiety, fear, doubts, tenderness - name it, emotions are welling up on me. With this new life on my womb, it feels like I'm given a great privilege, trust and opportunity. Imagine, I'll be sustaining a new life.
For how amazing this journey would be... to feel his kicks, to listen to his heartbeat... to watch and nurture him once he come out... to guide him and help him in the best way possible, to become a faithful servant of Jehovah... to provide his basic needs, and shower him more with love and affection.
I know this would entail me on a new role - MOTHER. And honestly, it haven't sunk that too much on my soul. But I will... and I'm preparing.
I really wish you to be normal, healthy, wise and knowledgeable, discipline, obedient, fearful of Jah's words, loving and adoring child.
Loveyousomuch sky... See you soon enough...
10112011
"Look! Sons are an inheritance from Jehovah;
The fruitage of the belly is a reward."
Psalms 127:3
Love, excitement, anxiety, fear, doubts, tenderness - name it, emotions are welling up on me. With this new life on my womb, it feels like I'm given a great privilege, trust and opportunity. Imagine, I'll be sustaining a new life.
For how amazing this journey would be... to feel his kicks, to listen to his heartbeat... to watch and nurture him once he come out... to guide him and help him in the best way possible, to become a faithful servant of Jehovah... to provide his basic needs, and shower him more with love and affection.
I know this would entail me on a new role - MOTHER. And honestly, it haven't sunk that too much on my soul. But I will... and I'm preparing.
I really wish you to be normal, healthy, wise and knowledgeable, discipline, obedient, fearful of Jah's words, loving and adoring child.
Loveyousomuch sky... See you soon enough...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Temporary Breakable Separating Fortress
bluewaves_aiz
06162011
I built my own fortress, that hides away my distress... That made me Rapunzel, shunning myself from the world... A world that only judges, but doesn't understand. A world that already sees the conclusion, even if it haven't started. A world that speaks unimaginable words, even if you say your side or not. A world I didn't wanna face.
It's not that I don't need help, not that I trust myself, not even because I want all of this - but because, I couldn't even trust you.
My silence is only a reaction, of what is already a pattern of your behavior. I have seen you talking nasty things about other people, even if they are not doing any. I have seen you formulating nasty stories and conclusions, from pieces of story you just put up, even if it's not factual. I have seen you, misjudging people, even if you don't know them deeper. With this, I better not say anything to you. Your reaction before is expected to be the same now. If I may qoute Myla's words, "Hindi naman sa kontrabida sila, pero...". I guess, you're reputation for those untamed mouth is notorious. So what do you expect, I'll trust you? Expect that you'll understand me?
When a person is down, confused, problematic... She doesn't want to someone to just tell her what to do, her mistakes, the cause, the solution... She wants understanding, empathy and console. Then from her standpoint, tell her how to lift up.
I wanted someone who can understand me on my standpoint, where my shoes fill in... And I found none. So I just stood on my own foot, even if I'm weak. Even if I'm a vulnerable target, I painstakingly took all the blows. It was like firing gunshots on the oblation statue. I already opened all the critical spots, just let me free.
But I won't stay in this vulnerability, I will stand up. Hopefully, with JAH's permission and grace, I can heal sooner. And that's my earnest wish long before I came out.
06162011
I built my own fortress, that hides away my distress... That made me Rapunzel, shunning myself from the world... A world that only judges, but doesn't understand. A world that already sees the conclusion, even if it haven't started. A world that speaks unimaginable words, even if you say your side or not. A world I didn't wanna face.
It's not that I don't need help, not that I trust myself, not even because I want all of this - but because, I couldn't even trust you.
My silence is only a reaction, of what is already a pattern of your behavior. I have seen you talking nasty things about other people, even if they are not doing any. I have seen you formulating nasty stories and conclusions, from pieces of story you just put up, even if it's not factual. I have seen you, misjudging people, even if you don't know them deeper. With this, I better not say anything to you. Your reaction before is expected to be the same now. If I may qoute Myla's words, "Hindi naman sa kontrabida sila, pero...". I guess, you're reputation for those untamed mouth is notorious. So what do you expect, I'll trust you? Expect that you'll understand me?
When a person is down, confused, problematic... She doesn't want to someone to just tell her what to do, her mistakes, the cause, the solution... She wants understanding, empathy and console. Then from her standpoint, tell her how to lift up.
I wanted someone who can understand me on my standpoint, where my shoes fill in... And I found none. So I just stood on my own foot, even if I'm weak. Even if I'm a vulnerable target, I painstakingly took all the blows. It was like firing gunshots on the oblation statue. I already opened all the critical spots, just let me free.
But I won't stay in this vulnerability, I will stand up. Hopefully, with JAH's permission and grace, I can heal sooner. And that's my earnest wish long before I came out.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Mind over Matter
bluewaves_aiz
03252011
"You don't mind, and they don't matter"
Idealistic as I am, I'm not used to this situations. But I will emerge victorious, because I don't wanna steep so low at their level.
Pride level will go up. I won't ask a single thing to them, unless I really have to.
I won't be plastic, but I won't be rude. Cause being rude will go down to their level. They are invincible, okay. Don't get affected. Don't even bother. Rommel mode commence.
03252011
"You don't mind, and they don't matter"
Idealistic as I am, I'm not used to this situations. But I will emerge victorious, because I don't wanna steep so low at their level.
Pride level will go up. I won't ask a single thing to them, unless I really have to.
I won't be plastic, but I won't be rude. Cause being rude will go down to their level. They are invincible, okay. Don't get affected. Don't even bother. Rommel mode commence.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Demotivated
bluewaves_aiz
02082011
Tactless, I'll say what I have to say.
I'm not happy, not satisfied, not at all contented with where I am.
I still have a lot of rice to eat, and yes, that's just what I need. The main reason why I work, is to gain experience, so that after I come out of the world 2-4years from now, I can say, "Hey, I'm expert and experienced, Hire me!"
I admit I had problems what field to pursue, what language to focus on. Because I know a little about a lot, and that's just like "Jack of all trades but a master of none." And I don't want that. Even if I'll be a Jack of all trades, I want to be a master of ONE.
So that's where my problem lies. The field Application's Development/Web Development that I'd like to delve unto, is swayed far from where I stand. I was excited at my first months taking some taste at other fields, but I don't want to be swayed from coding at all.
I know this won't be a forever field. But I still imagine myself doing it 10-20years from now. That's what I think of.
And I've wasted 7months, and probably, will waste 1 and 1/2 year of my life if I stayed this way.
Yeah, do this to me, but you see, I'm way brighter than what you use to see at me. If you can't give me what I want, I'll get it somewhere else. I'm not at all contented with the floor I'm standing. I'll be a superman. You'll see.
This will serve as a challenge for me. If you won't give the opportunity, I'll make one for myself.
I'll focus on web development. But I'll be a superman. I don't wanna sound so conceited but I'm wasting my talent, my knowledge, my passion at doing things I never even appreciated.
I'll be an expert Web Developer, you'll see. That won't be a piece of cake, but its taste of challenge is better. I'll get loads of it.
02082011
Tactless, I'll say what I have to say.
I'm not happy, not satisfied, not at all contented with where I am.
I still have a lot of rice to eat, and yes, that's just what I need. The main reason why I work, is to gain experience, so that after I come out of the world 2-4years from now, I can say, "Hey, I'm expert and experienced, Hire me!"
I admit I had problems what field to pursue, what language to focus on. Because I know a little about a lot, and that's just like "Jack of all trades but a master of none." And I don't want that. Even if I'll be a Jack of all trades, I want to be a master of ONE.
So that's where my problem lies. The field Application's Development/Web Development that I'd like to delve unto, is swayed far from where I stand. I was excited at my first months taking some taste at other fields, but I don't want to be swayed from coding at all.
I know this won't be a forever field. But I still imagine myself doing it 10-20years from now. That's what I think of.
And I've wasted 7months, and probably, will waste 1 and 1/2 year of my life if I stayed this way.
Yeah, do this to me, but you see, I'm way brighter than what you use to see at me. If you can't give me what I want, I'll get it somewhere else. I'm not at all contented with the floor I'm standing. I'll be a superman. You'll see.
This will serve as a challenge for me. If you won't give the opportunity, I'll make one for myself.
I'll focus on web development. But I'll be a superman. I don't wanna sound so conceited but I'm wasting my talent, my knowledge, my passion at doing things I never even appreciated.
I'll be an expert Web Developer, you'll see. That won't be a piece of cake, but its taste of challenge is better. I'll get loads of it.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
FairyTales Part 2
bluewaves_aiz
01182011
A follow-up for my blog-Fairytales
Let's call her Beauty, bold and vibrant, stubborn and hot-headed, achiever... Hiding in her strong personality is the weakness that wells up inside. That's why at that magical night, she let her emotions get over her rational mind. And after that magical night, she never confronted that weakness.
Prince Charming, well, what else can I say, he's really not a prince after all, he's like a shrek to Beauty... But Beauty love that shrekness in him... Beauty appreciates it even if Shrek/Prince Charming buys isaw for her, serve her, piss her, throw jokes at her. And Beauty specially appreciate his love... even after that magical dance, and she just turned to be a common Cinderella...
Well, I didn't ended my past blog with a happy ending. Cause honestly, even if Prince Charming and Beauty became a couple. It's like having loads of step mother, witches and evil queen keeps them apart.
Should I really narrate the story?Don't read the next paragraph, if you don't want to.
So you're interested... Okay
After they became an official couple, the kingdom rejoiced for a while... Afterwards, they're already spreading gross gossips around the kingdom... That one was a storm... Cause even if the closest friends of Beauty and Prince Charming went against them.
They didn't give into that problem. But Beauty has to fulfill her dreams and go to the other Kingdom... And months(mostly felt like decade) before they see each other. And that mortally kills her - missing Prince Charming.
Because of some situations, they have to hide their love... they have to persevere in waiting for that right time... But Evil Queen asked her Magical Mirror and discovered Beauty and Prince Charming relationship... and call all her huntsmen to tear them apart. They give in... thinking it would be the best, to just wait for the right time.
It's hard to struggle and fight for your love. Is it worth it?
01182011
A follow-up for my blog-Fairytales
Let's call her Beauty, bold and vibrant, stubborn and hot-headed, achiever... Hiding in her strong personality is the weakness that wells up inside. That's why at that magical night, she let her emotions get over her rational mind. And after that magical night, she never confronted that weakness.
Prince Charming, well, what else can I say, he's really not a prince after all, he's like a shrek to Beauty... But Beauty love that shrekness in him... Beauty appreciates it even if Shrek/Prince Charming buys isaw for her, serve her, piss her, throw jokes at her. And Beauty specially appreciate his love... even after that magical dance, and she just turned to be a common Cinderella...
Well, I didn't ended my past blog with a happy ending. Cause honestly, even if Prince Charming and Beauty became a couple. It's like having loads of step mother, witches and evil queen keeps them apart.
Should I really narrate the story?Don't read the next paragraph, if you don't want to.
So you're interested... Okay
After they became an official couple, the kingdom rejoiced for a while... Afterwards, they're already spreading gross gossips around the kingdom... That one was a storm... Cause even if the closest friends of Beauty and Prince Charming went against them.
They didn't give into that problem. But Beauty has to fulfill her dreams and go to the other Kingdom... And months(mostly felt like decade) before they see each other. And that mortally kills her - missing Prince Charming.
Because of some situations, they have to hide their love... they have to persevere in waiting for that right time... But Evil Queen asked her Magical Mirror and discovered Beauty and Prince Charming relationship... and call all her huntsmen to tear them apart. They give in... thinking it would be the best, to just wait for the right time.
It's hard to struggle and fight for your love. Is it worth it?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I miss someone so badly, it hurts ;(
bluewaves_aiz
01122011
Its nearing the time of truth... And Im still wide awake... with my buggy eyes and my tormented heart driving my fingers to type...
I... was never really that kind of poetic as a person... Not verbose... Not expressive... Not dramatic... Not at all sweet... Im more like a cold-hearted man...
But that coldness melted with his voice, his simple notes of saying, "ngatz!", his mere presence, the way he looks into me, the way he keeps his silence just to preserve the moment, and send me sea of emotions my heart can't contain...
I never even imagined that I'll fall this hard, that driving him away from me would suck my life.
I might be with my closest friends, that can keep me some company for the day. But after that, at my dreaded time, when Im alone, when I'd like to shut my eyes and sleep, that's where the thoughts of him rush back to me... Its like a curse that's been tormenting me everyday... And I just dont really know what kind of medicine should I take to get me rid of that curse.
I thought Im used to this situation... That his there, Im here, We know where we stand in our lives, We're on the process of building our dreams, and we badly want to build it fast, and that at the desired time, we'll be okay.
I should not be this melodramatic, cause we're just rational with our actions, but tonight, emotions welling up on me... Maybe because its the 12th...What's worse? I just watched Going the Distance and Dear John, which I can relate to... long-distance...
If only this situation would lighten up a bit... Hopefully, tonight, I can ease my wary heart....
01122011
Its nearing the time of truth... And Im still wide awake... with my buggy eyes and my tormented heart driving my fingers to type...
I... was never really that kind of poetic as a person... Not verbose... Not expressive... Not dramatic... Not at all sweet... Im more like a cold-hearted man...
But that coldness melted with his voice, his simple notes of saying, "ngatz!", his mere presence, the way he looks into me, the way he keeps his silence just to preserve the moment, and send me sea of emotions my heart can't contain...
I never even imagined that I'll fall this hard, that driving him away from me would suck my life.
I might be with my closest friends, that can keep me some company for the day. But after that, at my dreaded time, when Im alone, when I'd like to shut my eyes and sleep, that's where the thoughts of him rush back to me... Its like a curse that's been tormenting me everyday... And I just dont really know what kind of medicine should I take to get me rid of that curse.
I thought Im used to this situation... That his there, Im here, We know where we stand in our lives, We're on the process of building our dreams, and we badly want to build it fast, and that at the desired time, we'll be okay.
I should not be this melodramatic, cause we're just rational with our actions, but tonight, emotions welling up on me... Maybe because its the 12th...What's worse? I just watched Going the Distance and Dear John, which I can relate to... long-distance...
If only this situation would lighten up a bit... Hopefully, tonight, I can ease my wary heart....
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