bluewaves_aiz
06162011
I built my own fortress, that hides away my distress... That made me Rapunzel, shunning myself from the world... A world that only judges, but doesn't understand. A world that already sees the conclusion, even if it haven't started. A world that speaks unimaginable words, even if you say your side or not. A world I didn't wanna face.
It's not that I don't need help, not that I trust myself, not even because I want all of this - but because, I couldn't even trust you.
My silence is only a reaction, of what is already a pattern of your behavior. I have seen you talking nasty things about other people, even if they are not doing any. I have seen you formulating nasty stories and conclusions, from pieces of story you just put up, even if it's not factual. I have seen you, misjudging people, even if you don't know them deeper. With this, I better not say anything to you. Your reaction before is expected to be the same now. If I may qoute Myla's words, "Hindi naman sa kontrabida sila, pero...". I guess, you're reputation for those untamed mouth is notorious. So what do you expect, I'll trust you? Expect that you'll understand me?
When a person is down, confused, problematic... She doesn't want to someone to just tell her what to do, her mistakes, the cause, the solution... She wants understanding, empathy and console. Then from her standpoint, tell her how to lift up.
I wanted someone who can understand me on my standpoint, where my shoes fill in... And I found none. So I just stood on my own foot, even if I'm weak. Even if I'm a vulnerable target, I painstakingly took all the blows. It was like firing gunshots on the oblation statue. I already opened all the critical spots, just let me free.
But I won't stay in this vulnerability, I will stand up. Hopefully, with JAH's permission and grace, I can heal sooner. And that's my earnest wish long before I came out.
