A History

.It's ironic that the title of my blog is "Full Moon" while my background is water. They are two great contributory to my personality - the moon and the water.

Let's start with that moon thing. Don't even think of Sailor Moon. I only dreamt of wearing her costume. They say that mysterious thing happen when the moon shines brightly in full bloom. My hormones is triggered to do crazy things when the its Full Moon. Its a psychological thing - that the brightness of the moon just emanates a deviant side of me. I was even teased at my high school days as "werewolf"... (Well, that's just bernie, I still remember...hehe)...

And when I first created this blog. Its a Full Moon. And I'm wide awake, posting a blog entitled Full Moon.

As for why I love the water, I believe its the thing that can best describe me.

Water can be as clear and pure. Safe and calm.
It can be as wild as the waves, and crash with the rocks.
It can go with the flow of the river.
It can be as dirty and stagnant as the water in the creeks.
It can evaporate when it reaches its boiling point.
And can be frozen as well. But still,with great heat, it can still be melted.
It can provide refreshment to those who are thirsty.
But it can also cause diseases.
It can pour down heavily as the rain, if the clouds can no longer carry the load.
It changes into many form.

That was my reflections.

FYI: I'm bugged of ideas, but when I wrote it, it came out as a trash... hehe... :)

It's almost a YEAR

bluewaves_aiz
08112010

Parokya ni edgar's song playing in air, It reminds me that in less than 24 hours, we'll turn a year, since we formed this unbreakable bond. Congratulate me, I lasted a YEAR!

Not in my conscious mind do I plan to stay this long. But I did it. Before, 2months is enough. Now, lifetime is not even enough.

And I love him... repeatedly, I'll say this. Because whatever I do to drain this feeling. It just grows exponentially - so capacious that this single palpitating heart can't contain, that this mind can't apprehend, and this soul can't control...

I love JAH more than him, but I love him more than myself.

For so long, I hated girls who go gaga over boys. Through this relationship, I can empathize with them more. Not because I did what they did, but because, maybe... if I were in their situation, I'd feel the same.

Through this relationship, I learned how to fight for what I earnestly love, to be passionate, to pursue my dreams. For even if we're miles apart and storms separate us, the feeling just don't grow less. It really grows fonder. Cause I miss him badly. And this kills me.

Through this relationship, I learned how to give. Before, I always think that girls should be served. Now, I'm proud that I serve him. Relationship is not a competition of who loves more, who gives more, who sacrifices more. Because at the end of the day, when you love him, give him, sacrifice for him. It multiplies your happiness. And no reciprocation would match to that feeling. I can say, "Loving unconditionally is one of the best feelings".

Before, I demand for time, effort and care. Through this relationship, I became less demanding, well, slightly (hehe...). But I try my best to be satisfied with his efforts, to appreciate what he do than to look for other things. I'm now a more considerate person than I was before.

Through this relationship, I matured. Maybe some people will even negate this saying that I'm immature. But I can say this because I don't rush to decisions like a child. Love is no longer a distraction. It made me inspired. It makes me live like the air around me. It made me chaste after my dreams first before pursuing a lifetime with him. To prepare a solid foundation before pursuing a lifetime commitment.

Through this relationship, I learned how to persevere and to not give up easily. It made me use my mind - to be critical and creative in thinking. To decide out of the box options. To not give up, still, doing what is right.

HE completed my life. And if he's gone, a black hole is built in my heart - it sucks every positive emotions I have. Thank you for being there.

This relationship contributed another great thing - It made me ME right now - a STURDIER mariz. Thanks.

Rain-minisces

bluewaes_aiz
08102010

While waiting for the Train at the MRT station to arrive, I look-up at the clear sky slowly turning dark...I just imagined myself in the province, away from the busy set-up of the city...Where I can clearly see the sky, and feel the smoothing breeze of the wind... Reminiscing...

Then, the sky's anger just pour down, while we're talking about something. Some issues unsolved, some cases thrown. I don't want to give up on him. If there'll be problems, it should be US and not them. I ask him questions after questions. I don't want to judge and jump into conclusions so I ask him and he answered honestly... but even if we sort things out on our own, others are still buzzing their own stand. I don't want to mind them... to meet them... So I hastily walk away from them and stand with him... Drawing away, rain poured down more and more... While we stand under one umbrella being thrown by the storm. Yes, we're damp and cold...really cold. But still, I don't want to give up on him, even if this cold kills me. As the song says, "I'd rather be beside you in a storm... than safe and warm by my own"... But...

Wooot... wooot... The trains here...Gotta ride the train and go with the flow...

Tanda ng Aking Pagiging Makakalimutin Part 1

bluewaves_aiz
08052010

Inaamin ko... Makakalimutin ako... Unahin nating ireminisce ung latest na nangyari...

Tuesday: Bumili ako ng baon sa office... Noodles, gatas, pineapple juice para baunin sa Wednesday ung Noodles, at gatas(pampalakas ng resistance)... That day, nakalimutan ko ang MRT card ko sa office...

Wednesday: Nakalimutan ko pagkain ko... pati pera ko, nasa MRT na ako... ahaha... 9pesos na lang nasa bag ko, at 11 pesos ung kelangan para makarating ako sa office... 2pesos lang kulang 2PESOS lang... ayos lang sana kasi may ATM naman ako... kaso malayo pa ang ATM Machine sa kinalalagyan ko... Nakakahiya man, humingi na ako ng 2pesos doon kay manong-na-pinagtanungan-ko... kesa naman magnakaw ako di ba? (powered by palusot.com)... Salamat manong!

And long time ago: Naiwan ko pitaka ko sa office, uwian na noon... Hindi na ako makabalik kasi sarado na(gabi na kasi talaga iyon)... 15pesos na lang pera ko, at may MRT card pa naman ako noon... nagbayad ako ng 6pesos sa jeep na supposedly ay 7pesos(buti na lang student-trainee pa ako noon)... tagatak ng pawis ko habang paakyat ako ng MRT... halungkat ng halungkat sa bag kung meron pa akong kahit anong barya na maligaw... Unfortunately, wala akong nahugot... Doon ko napahalagahan ang bawat piso na ini-snub ko lang... kasi every cent counts at that time... eh 9pesos na lang... kailangan ko pa ng 6pesos para makauwi ako sa amin... bumaba na ako ng MRT... kahit ATM, naiwan ko talaga... so ayon, pahirapan ako ngayon...

Naghihintay ako ng bus... nag-iisip ng paraan para makarating sa amin... iniisip kong irecycle mga ticket ko ng bus...para kapag nag-inspection, pwede kong gamitin... o sumakay ng jeep at umupo sa tabi ng driver tsaka mag-explain na kesyo ganito...kesyo ganyan...o kaya ride and run! 30 minutes na akong nananalangin at nag-iisip ng gagawin... Bakit ko pa kasi naiwan pitaka ko noon... makakalimutin talaga... And another provision... may isang manong... naglakas loob na ako... sabay sabi, "Kuya, kakapalan ko na mukha ko...kulang po ako ng pamasahe,... hihiram lang po sana ng 6pesos"... Grabe ang hiya ko noon! Pero mas maganda pa naman iyon kaysa sa mga nauna kong plano... Hindi talaga ako pinabayaan!

Nakaligtas din!

Spiritual Notes 101

bluewaves_aiz
08042010

"Jehovah himself will not hold back anything good from those walking in faultlessness." - Psalms 84: 11

Before, I actually succeeded in a regular Personal Bible study of the bible, book("BEAR THOROUGH WITNESS TO THE GOOD NEWS OF KINGDOM"), Magazines and other bible-based literatures. But for the last 2weeks where I faced some stress-creators(some emotional problems, and pressures from work), just like an internet connection, it became intermittent..

I don't want to discuss that emotional problem(I consider personal life privately even if I post some to just tell the Web-pips how I feel, just to express this creeping feeling)... But I can handle it well, I think so... Even with the pressures at work...

Proverbs 27:11 states: "Be wise, my son, and make my heart rejoice, that I may make a reply to him that is taunting me"

The one taunting Him is Satan... And in order for us to make JAH rejoice, we need to make a firm conviction on our stand... and try out best to stand on our stand... Be wise, so as to not be tempted with the forward temptations and silent bait...

RELAX...CHILL...DON'T PANIC

bluewaves_aiz
08022010

I just submitted my Cobol program 2minutes ago... and hopefully, its just okay. Winding up on weekend helped me get through that project.

It has been my practice to finish projects a day before the due time. It has been a practice for my nerves to not tremble and my heart to not palpitate everytime I hear the clock ticking...

But now is one of my violations against that practice. Well, what can I do? Aside from learning a totally new different language, something similar to Assembly Language which I dreaded over my college years, I just don't get the problem and where should I start. I can't understand the whole code. Even if we're not required to understand it, how can I modify it if I just don't know the process? What and where?

Aside from the pressure of learning the new language is the time constraint. We should be at least familiar in it within 2weeks. Finishing 3projects within 2weeks. Just nice.

Add more to that is our on-the-job training for an airline system. We need to read more than 100 pages of documentation just to get familiar, another book for that, and totally much more... Very nice.

I know I am thirsty for challenge, but this almost beyond my health restrictions...

But I don't want to panic... Its no use. I need some stress-remover... Maybe some videoke would do. And that's what I achieved last night. Facebook, videoke (really loaded myself with it), eating(chocolate cake, even if I don't really like chocolate), baking(almost...), supplementing spiritual needs, bonding within the congregation, caring for my BS, acquiring a balloon from Levi... Stress removed last night...

And even if I had fun the whole weekend, I was still able to do my requirement, with quality... So in conclusion, RELAX... CHILL... DON'T PANIC....